Aye up chucks, it's your old battle-axe Nellie Knowitall here, you know, the gobby one who really does know it all. I'm back from my jaunt in Vegas, and I have to report that Elvis is well and truly deceased. All those blokes you see prancing about wearing his clothes are not Elvis at all. Ok, I'll admit I was taken in for a while, I did really believe that the King was alive and kicking, but when you see Elvis in every bar you go to, you begin to get a little bit suspicious. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the real Elvis is dead. All you see nowadays are fakes, and most of them don't look anything like the real thing, let alone sing like him. Sad, I know, but we have to move on.
Right, so what's the topic today? A thought crossed my mind. You know that old saying, 'I wish I knew then what I know now'. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all born with the wisdom which comes with living a long time. It would save a lot of hassle. We wouldn't be making so many mistakes, and sometimes making a complete hash of our lives. Wouldn't it be great if knowledge was already built into our brain, so that we didn't have to learn anything because we already knew it. It would save a lot of heartache because we could avoid getting into situations which were going to cause us grief.
I must admit that although I know it all now, it wasn't always the case, and I have made my fair share of cockups. I feel for the young ones of today, if they are going through what I went through. Maybe I could do something to help, through this column, and with the benefit of my wisdom, I could advise those of you who are stuck in an intolerable situation. My advice is, get the hell out of there. You don't have to put up with it, just skidaddle. If you are in a place where you don't want to be, for whatever reason, the simple answer is pack up and go somewhere else.
If you hate your job, get another one. If you are fed up with your partner, swap them for a better model. If you can't afford to buy things, earn more money. If you've got no friends, go out and find some. If you've got too many friends, dump some. If you feel rotten when you get drunk, drink water. If you are overweight, eat less. If you are underweight, eat more. If you cough a lot when you smoke, chuck the packet away and never buy any more. If you are unfit, run up and down stairs a few times. If you can't afford a car, get a bike. If you don't like housework, don't do it.
Oh, I could go on, but I think you might get the gist. Whatever is not working for you, change it. So, if I can help you in any way, all you have to do is to post your problem here, and I will share my wisdom and tell you what to do to improve the situation. I am your friend, everything you tell me is in confidence, I promise not to laugh, or tell anyone else. Don't forget, a problem halved is a problem shared, or something like that. Don't bottle it up.
I have been around a long time, seen a lot of life, and know how things work. You may not always agree with what I am saying, but I won't give you any bullshit. I tell it like it is.
I am your friend, Nellie.
Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Common sense politics. Guest post
Yoohoo, it's me again, Auntie Nellie from Stating the Bleedin Obvious. Sorry I haven't been on for a while, bet you thought I'd croaked didn't you, not chuffin likely, I've been on my hols to Vegas. Saw my old pal Elvis I did, yep he is still around, we had a good chinwag. Saw him several times actually, funny how he never seems to look any older. How he manages to be in two places at the same time I will never know, clever bloke, chuffin amazing.
Anyway I'm back. Meanqueen asked me to do another guest post, and I said okeydokey, because I need the dosh to pay for another trip. 'I hope you've got a good one', she says. 'Of course', says I, 'do I ever let you down'.
So, what's the topic today? I don't normally get all political, but I'm going to have to say something about this present government, or perhaps I shouldn't blame the mess the country is in on that lot at the top we have in now. It's been a long time coming. To be honest there isn't any mob which has made a good job of getting to grips with the disharmony that now seems to be sweeping the nation. The problem is, no one with any power ever listens to us lot down here at grass roots level. So this is my big chance to make a stand, to open my big mouth, and say it like it is.
For a start, does anyone in Parliament, Whitehall, Number 10, or wherever it is they hang out, know the meaning of the words, full up? They should look it up, because it might help them to understand why a big chunk of our countrymen, and women, are fed up. Maybe I should spell it out to the men in suits, because if they can grasp this it would give them the key to sorting out the whole sorry mess we are in, and when they realise I am talking old fashioned common sense, they will beg me to take over the whole chebang, ha ha.
So get an eyeball of this, you lot down there in the capital. Full up, means.....chocablock, bursting at the seams, crammed, crowded, packed out, packed to the rafters, congested, loaded, overflowing, teeming, swarming, up to the hilt, wall to wall. Do you want any more, or do you get my drift?
So, how many more people are you planning on inviting in, how many more can you fit onto our tiny island, because I think it is not far off sinking. We, the United Kingdom, are full up. We have no jobs, we have nowhere for them to live, oh I forgot, they will probably be able to get a few square feet of floor space in a shed somewhere in a London suburb. Either that or there are plenty of disused railway arches.
So what happens next Mr Government Ministers? Open the doors and welcome everyone in with open arms? It's a recipe for disaster. There will be anarchy on the streets, more riots, more plundering and looting, gangs roaming free robbing and killing. It's already happening, open your eyes. Get out of your safe posh houses, see for yourself. People are struggling because there are no jobs, they have no money, the ruthless with no morals will steal to get what they want. We give shed loads of money to people, virtually as they walk off the boat, or get out of the back of the lorry that they just travelled half way across Europe in.
Prime Minister, we have a time bomb waiting to go off, and all you do is open the gates and let more in. Now look, don't go all mardy on me, this is serious. I am trying to inject a bit of humour into my post today, but I am struggling, this is no laughing matter. It is not chuffin funny.
Prime Minister, how can I get through to you. I am getting on in years, brought up in the back of beyond, with a common sense mum who taught me how to survive on not much money. I have lived the life of an ordinary working person. You however are a young whippersnapper, gone through the education system, got your degrees or whatever, lived in nice houses, and mixed with all the toffs. Here is my challenge, get your ass out of that chair and come and live with me in the real world. And there will be no swanning off to the father in laws mansion, namely, Normanby Hall. I challenge you to go undercover, no posh suits, no tv cameras. Dye your hair, get your clothes from a charity shop, whatever it takes. I will show you the town on a Saturday night where youngsters drink themselves into oblivion because they have nothing better to do. I will take you to the job centre to see the look of despair when there are no jobs to apply for. I will show you the shops which rip vulnerable people off with extortionate interest rates. We can't get a doctors appointment for weeks, have to wait months to get a hospital bed. And why is all this happening? Because we are full up.
That's me done, stating the bleedin obvious again. I'm going to get myself into trouble one of these days, wait for the backlash.
Love from Auntie Nellie. Toodle pip
Anyway I'm back. Meanqueen asked me to do another guest post, and I said okeydokey, because I need the dosh to pay for another trip. 'I hope you've got a good one', she says. 'Of course', says I, 'do I ever let you down'.
So, what's the topic today? I don't normally get all political, but I'm going to have to say something about this present government, or perhaps I shouldn't blame the mess the country is in on that lot at the top we have in now. It's been a long time coming. To be honest there isn't any mob which has made a good job of getting to grips with the disharmony that now seems to be sweeping the nation. The problem is, no one with any power ever listens to us lot down here at grass roots level. So this is my big chance to make a stand, to open my big mouth, and say it like it is.
For a start, does anyone in Parliament, Whitehall, Number 10, or wherever it is they hang out, know the meaning of the words, full up? They should look it up, because it might help them to understand why a big chunk of our countrymen, and women, are fed up. Maybe I should spell it out to the men in suits, because if they can grasp this it would give them the key to sorting out the whole sorry mess we are in, and when they realise I am talking old fashioned common sense, they will beg me to take over the whole chebang, ha ha.
So get an eyeball of this, you lot down there in the capital. Full up, means.....chocablock, bursting at the seams, crammed, crowded, packed out, packed to the rafters, congested, loaded, overflowing, teeming, swarming, up to the hilt, wall to wall. Do you want any more, or do you get my drift?
So, how many more people are you planning on inviting in, how many more can you fit onto our tiny island, because I think it is not far off sinking. We, the United Kingdom, are full up. We have no jobs, we have nowhere for them to live, oh I forgot, they will probably be able to get a few square feet of floor space in a shed somewhere in a London suburb. Either that or there are plenty of disused railway arches.
So what happens next Mr Government Ministers? Open the doors and welcome everyone in with open arms? It's a recipe for disaster. There will be anarchy on the streets, more riots, more plundering and looting, gangs roaming free robbing and killing. It's already happening, open your eyes. Get out of your safe posh houses, see for yourself. People are struggling because there are no jobs, they have no money, the ruthless with no morals will steal to get what they want. We give shed loads of money to people, virtually as they walk off the boat, or get out of the back of the lorry that they just travelled half way across Europe in.
Prime Minister, we have a time bomb waiting to go off, and all you do is open the gates and let more in. Now look, don't go all mardy on me, this is serious. I am trying to inject a bit of humour into my post today, but I am struggling, this is no laughing matter. It is not chuffin funny.
Prime Minister, how can I get through to you. I am getting on in years, brought up in the back of beyond, with a common sense mum who taught me how to survive on not much money. I have lived the life of an ordinary working person. You however are a young whippersnapper, gone through the education system, got your degrees or whatever, lived in nice houses, and mixed with all the toffs. Here is my challenge, get your ass out of that chair and come and live with me in the real world. And there will be no swanning off to the father in laws mansion, namely, Normanby Hall. I challenge you to go undercover, no posh suits, no tv cameras. Dye your hair, get your clothes from a charity shop, whatever it takes. I will show you the town on a Saturday night where youngsters drink themselves into oblivion because they have nothing better to do. I will take you to the job centre to see the look of despair when there are no jobs to apply for. I will show you the shops which rip vulnerable people off with extortionate interest rates. We can't get a doctors appointment for weeks, have to wait months to get a hospital bed. And why is all this happening? Because we are full up.
That's me done, stating the bleedin obvious again. I'm going to get myself into trouble one of these days, wait for the backlash.
Love from Auntie Nellie. Toodle pip
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Nellie's money saving gems. Guest post
Hiya all you frugalers out there, it's Nellie Knowitall here back by great demand. I've been comissioned to write another post about living within your means. Once again I'm going to be stating the bleedin obvious, after all, saving money is not rocket science, it's just a large dollop of good old fashioned common sense. There will be no tarting it up with wishywashy faffing, I just tell it like it is. So, if you want to reap the benefits from my pearls of wisdom, read on, but if you are filthy rich this won't be for you, just pop out to the shops and buy another flat screen tv to add to the three you already have, and thank the lord that you don't have to scrimp and save every last penny.
Right, let's get on, for those who are with me, hold on to your hats.
1. How much washing up liquid do you get through? I hope you haven't got a dishwasher, gawd and heaven forbid, please don't tell me you are too idle to boil a kettle and wash up in a bowl of water? Think of all those chemicals that get washed into the drains, not to mention the amount of water they use. Chuck the monstrocity out if you have one, and get back to basics. A bowl of hot water, a teeny drop of washup liquid, and a pair of hands are all you need. Yes, but what if the pots are all gungy with left over food sticking to them, I hear you say. Simple answer to that is, lick 'em all clean before you wash them, then you won't get that greasey slime floating on the top of the water, and those lumpy bits stuck in the plug hole.
2. Get rid of all the unnecessary gadgets you have about the place which need electricity. What did we all do before they were invented, eh? Here are a few things that you can chuck. When you stop plugging them in, your leccy bill will be greatly reduced. Electric toothbrush. Don't need one of those, a bit more wrist action with a bog standard brush will do the job of keeping your pearly whites, erm, white. Bedside clock radio alarm. Chuck it and get an old fashioned wind up clock. Why do you need a flashing light by your bedside, it would drive me potty. Electric mixer. Why would you want to plug one in when you can get one of those rotary things that you wind with your hand. Better still, put your ingredients in a bowl and beat them to death with a table fork. Makes your wrist ache a bit but at least it does the job at no cost. Coffee machine. Good grief, what's wrong with a spoonfull of Nescafe in a mug topped up with hot water. Don't need that fancy thick black sludgy stuff. Deep fat fryer. NO NO NO. Don't fry food it is no good for your health, and it makes a mess and stinks the kitchen out. Only grill, steam, or microwave your food. Sandwich toaster. Oh my, so you like toasted sandwiches, well if you have to have them put your sarnie under the grill, better still don't bother at all, eat it in it's natural state. These are just a few of the gadgets you don't need, and don't get me started on hair straighteners, hair curlers, hair dryers, heated rollers, and crimpers. I reckon if you have any of these items of torture in your home you must be a bit kinky. Chuck 'em. Wash your hair on a fine day and walk outside, and let the sun and wind try it.
3. Now this will cause a few of you to rise up in indignant protest, are you ready. Stop eating dead animals. No one ever died through not eating meat, you don't need it, and your grocery bill will be pounds cheaper.
4. Hey, this is a good one for all us old wrinklies. Don't believe any of the blurb about face creams rejuvenating your skin. They want you to buy into dreams. There are no miracle creams that will turn back time. You are getting older, your skin will become thinner and lose it's elasticity, you will get wrinkles. Slap on any old cheap cream that you have in the cupboard, save yourself a fortune.
5. What is it with these wet wipes that you can buy? They make them for all kinds of jobs now, even for use in the bathroom. For goodness sake, I hope no one is buying them to wipe the toilet. Cut an old towel into squares, and make some cloths. There are so many things being invented to supposedly make housework easier, but they all cost money. Go down the old fashioned route, a bit of spit and polish and a lot of elbow grease, with an old rag, will save loads of money.
6. Here's a good one that is so obvious to me. Why do you think they put choccy bars on prominent display next to the checkout? To tempt all weak willed people into buying a treat for themselves. Toughen up for goodness sake. Ignore them, leave them on the shelf, you didn't go into the shop to buy chocolate. If you are a bit on the lumpy bumpy side, chocolate will go straight to your hips and you will never get rid of that big lump called your arse.
7. I'm going to talk dirty now. Look away if easily offended. I'll say it once. 2 for a pee, 3 for a poo. You know what I'm talking about don't you, yep, loo roll. Are you getting through reams of it every day, well you shouldn't be. If you are constantly pebbledashing your toilet, there is something wrong with your diet. If you have a messy bum then you are eating the wrong food. I'll say no more.
8. How to use less petrol in your car. Are you the sort of person who is always in a rush, not leaving yourself enough time to get to your destination. I can see the steam coming out of your ears as you dash out of the house, jump into the car, and push your right foot through the floor as your tyres leave a slick of black rubber on the road. Then when you reach the first set of traffic lights it's brakes slammed on as you screech to a halt behind waiting traffic. I bet you can watch your petrol gauge go down. Just calm down a bit, get up ten minutes early and give yourself a bit more time. Easy on the pedals, read the road ahead and work out a plan of action as you drive. It ain't that difficult, and will save you pounds.
9. Always keep your eyes on the ground when you walk about. People drop money accidentally, and kids throw away small coins when they can't be bothered with them. They will learn eventually when the bank of mum and dad finally dries up. Even in remote areas where you think you would never find anything, the glint from a coin on the ground has caught my eye many a time, as the sun catches it. Of course you will have to look up sometimes, don't want you walking into a lamp post or getting a crick in the neck. Think money when out and about at all times, don't be too proud to stop and pick it up.
10. Right, last one for today. Stop buying clothes which need ironing. In fact, stop ironing altogether. Biggest waste of time and money, I can't think of a more boring job, and what about all that electricity it uses. I still read about people who iron bed sheets, good grief, are they nuts! The sheets are going to get creased when you get into bed anyway, unless you lie flat on your back like a corpse all night, which I have to sometimes when all the cats decide to sleep with me.
Well that's all for now folks, think about my money saving tips, can you add some of them to your daily routines, let me know how much money you have saved. This is Nellie Knowitall from Stating the Bleedin Obvious signing off. I hope you have found my guest post helpfull. Till next time, your very best friend, Nellie.
Right, let's get on, for those who are with me, hold on to your hats.
1. How much washing up liquid do you get through? I hope you haven't got a dishwasher, gawd and heaven forbid, please don't tell me you are too idle to boil a kettle and wash up in a bowl of water? Think of all those chemicals that get washed into the drains, not to mention the amount of water they use. Chuck the monstrocity out if you have one, and get back to basics. A bowl of hot water, a teeny drop of washup liquid, and a pair of hands are all you need. Yes, but what if the pots are all gungy with left over food sticking to them, I hear you say. Simple answer to that is, lick 'em all clean before you wash them, then you won't get that greasey slime floating on the top of the water, and those lumpy bits stuck in the plug hole.
2. Get rid of all the unnecessary gadgets you have about the place which need electricity. What did we all do before they were invented, eh? Here are a few things that you can chuck. When you stop plugging them in, your leccy bill will be greatly reduced. Electric toothbrush. Don't need one of those, a bit more wrist action with a bog standard brush will do the job of keeping your pearly whites, erm, white. Bedside clock radio alarm. Chuck it and get an old fashioned wind up clock. Why do you need a flashing light by your bedside, it would drive me potty. Electric mixer. Why would you want to plug one in when you can get one of those rotary things that you wind with your hand. Better still, put your ingredients in a bowl and beat them to death with a table fork. Makes your wrist ache a bit but at least it does the job at no cost. Coffee machine. Good grief, what's wrong with a spoonfull of Nescafe in a mug topped up with hot water. Don't need that fancy thick black sludgy stuff. Deep fat fryer. NO NO NO. Don't fry food it is no good for your health, and it makes a mess and stinks the kitchen out. Only grill, steam, or microwave your food. Sandwich toaster. Oh my, so you like toasted sandwiches, well if you have to have them put your sarnie under the grill, better still don't bother at all, eat it in it's natural state. These are just a few of the gadgets you don't need, and don't get me started on hair straighteners, hair curlers, hair dryers, heated rollers, and crimpers. I reckon if you have any of these items of torture in your home you must be a bit kinky. Chuck 'em. Wash your hair on a fine day and walk outside, and let the sun and wind try it.
3. Now this will cause a few of you to rise up in indignant protest, are you ready. Stop eating dead animals. No one ever died through not eating meat, you don't need it, and your grocery bill will be pounds cheaper.
4. Hey, this is a good one for all us old wrinklies. Don't believe any of the blurb about face creams rejuvenating your skin. They want you to buy into dreams. There are no miracle creams that will turn back time. You are getting older, your skin will become thinner and lose it's elasticity, you will get wrinkles. Slap on any old cheap cream that you have in the cupboard, save yourself a fortune.
5. What is it with these wet wipes that you can buy? They make them for all kinds of jobs now, even for use in the bathroom. For goodness sake, I hope no one is buying them to wipe the toilet. Cut an old towel into squares, and make some cloths. There are so many things being invented to supposedly make housework easier, but they all cost money. Go down the old fashioned route, a bit of spit and polish and a lot of elbow grease, with an old rag, will save loads of money.
6. Here's a good one that is so obvious to me. Why do you think they put choccy bars on prominent display next to the checkout? To tempt all weak willed people into buying a treat for themselves. Toughen up for goodness sake. Ignore them, leave them on the shelf, you didn't go into the shop to buy chocolate. If you are a bit on the lumpy bumpy side, chocolate will go straight to your hips and you will never get rid of that big lump called your arse.
7. I'm going to talk dirty now. Look away if easily offended. I'll say it once. 2 for a pee, 3 for a poo. You know what I'm talking about don't you, yep, loo roll. Are you getting through reams of it every day, well you shouldn't be. If you are constantly pebbledashing your toilet, there is something wrong with your diet. If you have a messy bum then you are eating the wrong food. I'll say no more.
8. How to use less petrol in your car. Are you the sort of person who is always in a rush, not leaving yourself enough time to get to your destination. I can see the steam coming out of your ears as you dash out of the house, jump into the car, and push your right foot through the floor as your tyres leave a slick of black rubber on the road. Then when you reach the first set of traffic lights it's brakes slammed on as you screech to a halt behind waiting traffic. I bet you can watch your petrol gauge go down. Just calm down a bit, get up ten minutes early and give yourself a bit more time. Easy on the pedals, read the road ahead and work out a plan of action as you drive. It ain't that difficult, and will save you pounds.
9. Always keep your eyes on the ground when you walk about. People drop money accidentally, and kids throw away small coins when they can't be bothered with them. They will learn eventually when the bank of mum and dad finally dries up. Even in remote areas where you think you would never find anything, the glint from a coin on the ground has caught my eye many a time, as the sun catches it. Of course you will have to look up sometimes, don't want you walking into a lamp post or getting a crick in the neck. Think money when out and about at all times, don't be too proud to stop and pick it up.
10. Right, last one for today. Stop buying clothes which need ironing. In fact, stop ironing altogether. Biggest waste of time and money, I can't think of a more boring job, and what about all that electricity it uses. I still read about people who iron bed sheets, good grief, are they nuts! The sheets are going to get creased when you get into bed anyway, unless you lie flat on your back like a corpse all night, which I have to sometimes when all the cats decide to sleep with me.
Well that's all for now folks, think about my money saving tips, can you add some of them to your daily routines, let me know how much money you have saved. This is Nellie Knowitall from Stating the Bleedin Obvious signing off. I hope you have found my guest post helpfull. Till next time, your very best friend, Nellie.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Nellie's solution for town centre's - guest post
Aye up. Nellie here again. Meanqueen has asked me to do another post, I think she is too darn idle to write one herself, ha ha. I'm sure you'd rather hear from me anyway. so here goes.
What do you think of this Mary woman mucking about with the High Streets then? She has worked in a few posh shops in her time, and now she is known as Mary Queen of shops, an authority on retail and brand communication, whatever that means. Shopping is all about brands these days isn't it, can't be seen out with the wrong brand emblazoned across your chest, oh no Siree, everything has got to be the right brand.
I've got my own brand you know, Nellie Chuffin Knowitall, from Stating the Bleedin Obvious. My web site will be branded when I have time to finish it, in the meantime I'm riding on the back of Meanqueen's blog, Life After Money. She's one of the few people that I know who are genuinely money savvy, she doesn't spend a dime unless it is absolutely necessary. I'm not saying she never spends any money, oh no Siree, but she is not swayed by any advertising whatsoever, and every penny that leaves her purse is spent on something that she needs. The 'wants' are what she can afford to pay for in cash, out of the money left over. That's called savvy budgetting. She aint no pushover where personal finances are concerned.
Anyway, back to this Mary woman, apparently she has been given lots of dosh to hand out to twelve pilot towns around the country, to be used to spruce up the High Streets, which are crumbling into rapid decline. Have you noticed how many empty shops there are, you must have been walking around with your eyes closed if you haven't, or perhaps you live in a posh area where everyone has money to throw away.
I have got my own theories on why town centre's look a mess, and what can be done to breath new life into them. I think the government should give me a load of dosh to sort the problem out, ha ha. For a start there are two different types of shoppers, those that are flush with money and those who have very little. The posh folks are moaning about all the cheap and tacky pound shops, and charity shops, that are taking over the High Streets, so they are going out of town to the big shopping centre's to flash their plastic. Well I say, let them, you just wait till they lose their jobs, unemployment benefit doesn't buy you much from Marks and Sparks, or Debenhams, and suchlike. They will soon come running back to the High Street and the discount stores, after they have swapped their BMW's and Range Rovers for a Vauxhall Corsa.
So, what can be done to the High Streets to make them look more appealing. Well for a start they should make a law stating that every shop keeper is responsible for the pavement at the front, they should go out and sweep up the rubbish once every hour. It should be law that they have to spruce up their shop front with a lick of paint when it looks shabby. Shabby is not a good look to entice people to the High Street, or inside their shop. Their window displays should be freshened every week with new stock on display.
What about out in the street. They should get rid of all 'A' boards scattered around making the place look untidy. Only advertising at the front of the shop allowed. There should be benches to sit for a while after a hard days shopping, and they should be washed every morning by the shop keepers nearest to them. A few tubs of flowers would be nice. If a town centre is blighted by messy pigeons like ours is, the shop keepers should be out there every morning with a bucket of hot soapy water to give the place a swill down. Folks don't want pigeon crap all over their shoes, they won't come back. They should also extend 'no smoking' zones to the whole of the High Street. Hanging around in shop doorways puffing on a fag is a disgusting sight, I always give them a wide berth, never mind going in the shop and getting a face full of fag breath. Yuk, no thanks.
Another idea I have is that an empty shop can be turned into a creche. How many times have you been in a shop where someone is dragging a couple of screaming kids around with them. Oh my, the squarking and the tantrums drive me nuts. Why not drop them off with a child minder employed by the council, for a couple of hours, and pick them up later when the shopping is done. A much better shopping experience all round, and the kids have more fun.
What sort of shops should be in the High Street? Well if all the posh folks have gone out of town, lets have more charity shops, more recycling, more food shops, more markets, more small specialist shops, but they have to be affordable, to folks like me with not much money. The rents should be made cheaper to get new shop keepers in.
Any large building vacated by a large department store should be turned into an indoor market by dividing it up into single units. They should be rented to those who wish to start a business, at a very low rent, to get them going. They would not be locked in to a long contract, so if they find their business is not working they can vacate their unit without too much bother.
Any empty shop fronts should be tarted up, given a lick of paint, and some displays put in the window to make it look tidy. There should be no empty shop windows. If any shopkeepers close their business and move on, it should be the law that they have to take every stick of rubbish with them, clean the place up, and provide attractive looking posters and pictures to decorate the windows. This would then give the impression that the closure is just temporary and there will be new tenants along shortly.
There should be a law saying no more rip off shops allowed, like money lending for extortionate interest rates, furniture and household appliances on the never never like Brighthouse, no more betting shops, and no more grubby boozers.
Oh, and another thing, all town centre cars parks should be free parking 24/7. Get rid of half the traffic wardens, cut the wage bill, and those left just to monitor illegal street parking. In fact there should be no illegal street parking at all, so sack all the wardens. When the posh folks get fed up of driving out of town and tramping up and down endless, mindless, shopping malls which all look the same, they will be hankering to get back to their friendly and pleasant town centres.
Simple innit, stating the bleedin obvious, that's what I do.
Lots of love from Nellie xxx
What do you think of this Mary woman mucking about with the High Streets then? She has worked in a few posh shops in her time, and now she is known as Mary Queen of shops, an authority on retail and brand communication, whatever that means. Shopping is all about brands these days isn't it, can't be seen out with the wrong brand emblazoned across your chest, oh no Siree, everything has got to be the right brand.
I've got my own brand you know, Nellie Chuffin Knowitall, from Stating the Bleedin Obvious. My web site will be branded when I have time to finish it, in the meantime I'm riding on the back of Meanqueen's blog, Life After Money. She's one of the few people that I know who are genuinely money savvy, she doesn't spend a dime unless it is absolutely necessary. I'm not saying she never spends any money, oh no Siree, but she is not swayed by any advertising whatsoever, and every penny that leaves her purse is spent on something that she needs. The 'wants' are what she can afford to pay for in cash, out of the money left over. That's called savvy budgetting. She aint no pushover where personal finances are concerned.
Anyway, back to this Mary woman, apparently she has been given lots of dosh to hand out to twelve pilot towns around the country, to be used to spruce up the High Streets, which are crumbling into rapid decline. Have you noticed how many empty shops there are, you must have been walking around with your eyes closed if you haven't, or perhaps you live in a posh area where everyone has money to throw away.
I have got my own theories on why town centre's look a mess, and what can be done to breath new life into them. I think the government should give me a load of dosh to sort the problem out, ha ha. For a start there are two different types of shoppers, those that are flush with money and those who have very little. The posh folks are moaning about all the cheap and tacky pound shops, and charity shops, that are taking over the High Streets, so they are going out of town to the big shopping centre's to flash their plastic. Well I say, let them, you just wait till they lose their jobs, unemployment benefit doesn't buy you much from Marks and Sparks, or Debenhams, and suchlike. They will soon come running back to the High Street and the discount stores, after they have swapped their BMW's and Range Rovers for a Vauxhall Corsa.
So, what can be done to the High Streets to make them look more appealing. Well for a start they should make a law stating that every shop keeper is responsible for the pavement at the front, they should go out and sweep up the rubbish once every hour. It should be law that they have to spruce up their shop front with a lick of paint when it looks shabby. Shabby is not a good look to entice people to the High Street, or inside their shop. Their window displays should be freshened every week with new stock on display.
What about out in the street. They should get rid of all 'A' boards scattered around making the place look untidy. Only advertising at the front of the shop allowed. There should be benches to sit for a while after a hard days shopping, and they should be washed every morning by the shop keepers nearest to them. A few tubs of flowers would be nice. If a town centre is blighted by messy pigeons like ours is, the shop keepers should be out there every morning with a bucket of hot soapy water to give the place a swill down. Folks don't want pigeon crap all over their shoes, they won't come back. They should also extend 'no smoking' zones to the whole of the High Street. Hanging around in shop doorways puffing on a fag is a disgusting sight, I always give them a wide berth, never mind going in the shop and getting a face full of fag breath. Yuk, no thanks.
Another idea I have is that an empty shop can be turned into a creche. How many times have you been in a shop where someone is dragging a couple of screaming kids around with them. Oh my, the squarking and the tantrums drive me nuts. Why not drop them off with a child minder employed by the council, for a couple of hours, and pick them up later when the shopping is done. A much better shopping experience all round, and the kids have more fun.
What sort of shops should be in the High Street? Well if all the posh folks have gone out of town, lets have more charity shops, more recycling, more food shops, more markets, more small specialist shops, but they have to be affordable, to folks like me with not much money. The rents should be made cheaper to get new shop keepers in.
Any large building vacated by a large department store should be turned into an indoor market by dividing it up into single units. They should be rented to those who wish to start a business, at a very low rent, to get them going. They would not be locked in to a long contract, so if they find their business is not working they can vacate their unit without too much bother.
Any empty shop fronts should be tarted up, given a lick of paint, and some displays put in the window to make it look tidy. There should be no empty shop windows. If any shopkeepers close their business and move on, it should be the law that they have to take every stick of rubbish with them, clean the place up, and provide attractive looking posters and pictures to decorate the windows. This would then give the impression that the closure is just temporary and there will be new tenants along shortly.
There should be a law saying no more rip off shops allowed, like money lending for extortionate interest rates, furniture and household appliances on the never never like Brighthouse, no more betting shops, and no more grubby boozers.
Oh, and another thing, all town centre cars parks should be free parking 24/7. Get rid of half the traffic wardens, cut the wage bill, and those left just to monitor illegal street parking. In fact there should be no illegal street parking at all, so sack all the wardens. When the posh folks get fed up of driving out of town and tramping up and down endless, mindless, shopping malls which all look the same, they will be hankering to get back to their friendly and pleasant town centres.
Simple innit, stating the bleedin obvious, that's what I do.
Lots of love from Nellie xxx
Thursday, May 30, 2013
A very useful guest post
Hello my fabulous followers, today I've got a treat for you, I have agreed to engage the services of a Guest Writer. I know, I know, I said I wouldn't, but she sent me some samples of her work, and I have to say I was blown away with it. Her wisdom is mind bogling, I have learnt a whole new way of life from studying her writings. Of course I couldn't keep this exciting discovery to myself, that would be very selfish of me, so I would like to share this with you, in the hope that you might pick up some little money saving gems and incorporate them into your own lives.
Let me introduce you to this lady of great wisdom. She is a little bit shy so I have to pick my words very carefully. She has no desire to become famous or wealthy, she has a very simple lifestyle, but I have managed to get her to reveal her name, and a few other bits of information. So without further ado, I present Nellie Knowitall. She is founder of a brand new company, called Stating the Bleedin Obvious, set up to expel some of the myths about money saving and frugality. Nellie was brought up on a family farm in the Back of Beyond, she didn't have any clothes until she reached the age of 25, then she learnt how to sew, and started making bra's and pants from the hessian sacks which the animal feed was delivered in.
Anyway, that's enough from me, I will stop waffling and pass you over to our Guest Writer, Nellie Knowitall.
Hello, and thank you for that load of old cobblers introduction, Ilona. You have grossly exagerated the facts as usual, it wasn't hessian sacks, but the plastic carrier bags that the food shopping from Tesco Home Delivery came in. Right, here are my money saving tips, specially compiled for you lovely people.
1. Keep your money in your purse, do not open your purse, do not take your purse out anywhere.
2. If you have to buy some food, make sure you go to the cheapest shop. Go to lots of shops, but always buy the cheapest food. You might not like it very much, but the low cost will make up for the disappointment of eating something you do not like.
3. If your house is cold, don't be a whimp and turn the heating on, go to the wardrobe and pull out lots of sweaters and jog bottoms. Up your layers, it doesn't matter what you look like in your own home.
4. If you are still cold, go to the library and sit in the warm for an hour or two. Take a flask and read a few books. Or, use your bus pass and ride around on the bus all day, take some sandwiches.
5. If you have got some spare blood that you don't want, become a blood donor. trade your blood in for a cup of tea and some biscuits. This also gets you out of the cold for a while.
6. Wait until your clothes are absolutely filthy before you put them in the washing machine. Don't worry about the odd soup stain down your front, or the sweat marks under your arms, only wash them when you can no longer stand the smell.
7. If you really must have a bath, save the water to use for other jobs, like washing the car, or the dog, or the kitchen floor, or flushing the toilet. And don't forget, just before you get out of the bath, have a pee in it, that will save two squares of toilet paper.
8. When it's time to go to bed, and your house is cold, don't bother to take off your clothes and freeze your tits off, just get under the covers like you are, and if necessary put a wooly hat and gloves on. Don't forget to take your boots off though, makes a hell of a mess of the duvet covers.
9. If you've got to get someone a gift, for a birthday or Christmas, don't go to the shop and buy something. There is plenty of free stuff lying around which you can give them. Do a bit of scrumping and give them a bag of apples. You can find some nice stuff in skips, or dumpsters if in the USA, people throw stuff out that would make nice gifts. Use your imagination, a bunch of wild flowers is a nice gift.
10. Think about what skills you have, can they be swapped with someone who has different skills. For instance, could someone cut your hair if you bake them a cake. Or, could you do some ironing for someone who would do some weeding for you in the garden. If you are a single man you could offer to cut the hedges for a single lady, and she could iron your shirts. You never know you might find lurv with another singleton when you swap skills.
Well that's all I have time for now, I'll leave you with this little bit of advice. Don't buy Innocents noodle pots at full price, wait until they have been reduced.
I hope you enjoyed my money saving tips, please visit my web site, Stating the Bleedin Obvious, for some more. I hope Ilona asks me back again, because I could do with advertising more links to my site, so I get more followers, and they start buying stuff from me, and I can get some paid writing jobs, and I make some more money. (I lied about the being shy bit, and not wanting to be famous or wealthy)
Thank you Nellie, I really enjoyed reading your guest post. Now buzz off and stop bothering me.
Toodle pip.
Let me introduce you to this lady of great wisdom. She is a little bit shy so I have to pick my words very carefully. She has no desire to become famous or wealthy, she has a very simple lifestyle, but I have managed to get her to reveal her name, and a few other bits of information. So without further ado, I present Nellie Knowitall. She is founder of a brand new company, called Stating the Bleedin Obvious, set up to expel some of the myths about money saving and frugality. Nellie was brought up on a family farm in the Back of Beyond, she didn't have any clothes until she reached the age of 25, then she learnt how to sew, and started making bra's and pants from the hessian sacks which the animal feed was delivered in.
Anyway, that's enough from me, I will stop waffling and pass you over to our Guest Writer, Nellie Knowitall.
Hello, and thank you for that load of old cobblers introduction, Ilona. You have grossly exagerated the facts as usual, it wasn't hessian sacks, but the plastic carrier bags that the food shopping from Tesco Home Delivery came in. Right, here are my money saving tips, specially compiled for you lovely people.
1. Keep your money in your purse, do not open your purse, do not take your purse out anywhere.
2. If you have to buy some food, make sure you go to the cheapest shop. Go to lots of shops, but always buy the cheapest food. You might not like it very much, but the low cost will make up for the disappointment of eating something you do not like.
3. If your house is cold, don't be a whimp and turn the heating on, go to the wardrobe and pull out lots of sweaters and jog bottoms. Up your layers, it doesn't matter what you look like in your own home.
4. If you are still cold, go to the library and sit in the warm for an hour or two. Take a flask and read a few books. Or, use your bus pass and ride around on the bus all day, take some sandwiches.
5. If you have got some spare blood that you don't want, become a blood donor. trade your blood in for a cup of tea and some biscuits. This also gets you out of the cold for a while.
6. Wait until your clothes are absolutely filthy before you put them in the washing machine. Don't worry about the odd soup stain down your front, or the sweat marks under your arms, only wash them when you can no longer stand the smell.
7. If you really must have a bath, save the water to use for other jobs, like washing the car, or the dog, or the kitchen floor, or flushing the toilet. And don't forget, just before you get out of the bath, have a pee in it, that will save two squares of toilet paper.
8. When it's time to go to bed, and your house is cold, don't bother to take off your clothes and freeze your tits off, just get under the covers like you are, and if necessary put a wooly hat and gloves on. Don't forget to take your boots off though, makes a hell of a mess of the duvet covers.
9. If you've got to get someone a gift, for a birthday or Christmas, don't go to the shop and buy something. There is plenty of free stuff lying around which you can give them. Do a bit of scrumping and give them a bag of apples. You can find some nice stuff in skips, or dumpsters if in the USA, people throw stuff out that would make nice gifts. Use your imagination, a bunch of wild flowers is a nice gift.
10. Think about what skills you have, can they be swapped with someone who has different skills. For instance, could someone cut your hair if you bake them a cake. Or, could you do some ironing for someone who would do some weeding for you in the garden. If you are a single man you could offer to cut the hedges for a single lady, and she could iron your shirts. You never know you might find lurv with another singleton when you swap skills.
Well that's all I have time for now, I'll leave you with this little bit of advice. Don't buy Innocents noodle pots at full price, wait until they have been reduced.
Good grief, £3 chuffin 90 for a pot noodle. 39p, that's more like my price.
Thank you Nellie, I really enjoyed reading your guest post. Now buzz off and stop bothering me.
Toodle pip.
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