I don't see it that way.

This morning I had to endure a very traumatic experience. The whole thing took two hours, this is quite good for me, it usually takes a lot longer. The first part wasn't so bad, quite enjoyable in fact, it sort of put me at my ease, I felt quite relaxed about it, trying not to think about what was to come later. I was in a darkened room and there was a nice young man getting close up and almost personal. He was tall and slim, and rather handsome, with thick dark hair and just the right amount of  facial hair. He had the look of a romantic Bollywood actor about him. Our eyes met briefly as he moved around the chair I was sitting in. He asked lots of questions, 'is it better like this or like this?' I was confused and asked him to repeat the options. 'Better like this or like this?' 'Oh, the first is better', I replied. This little game went on for some time, always the same question, 'like this or like this?'

When the session was coming towards the end, he leaned quite close to me and peered into my eyes, I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. 'Fine', he said, 'nothing to worry about there, all is well'. Then he escorted me out of the room, smiling and chatting like we were old friends. He steered me in the direction of the ladies section, and said someone would be with me soon to help me to choose some new glasses.  

What happened next was not a nice experience at all, in fact I would rather not have to go through with it. But it is several years since I last changed my glasses, and they are decidedly yellowy looking, and I'm sure the lenses must be scratched to buggery as I am not too particular with what I clean them with. Also my prescription has changed slightly since the last eye test, so I suppose it is better to get a fresh new pair, and I find I have to keep tilting my head a lot more often to get things in focus, so maybe the varifocal settings need changing.

Every time I have to choose new frames I end up quite stressed out. I hate wearing glasses, always have done. I had about 20 years of wearing contact lenses, which was a great relief, it gave my confidence a boost, knowing that I didn't have to look at the world through a pair of windows stuck on the front of my face. But then age caught up with me and I found I had to wear reading glasses on top of my lenses, so I had to carry them around with me. It was such a pain to keep getting them out every time I wanted to read something in print. I decided to give up with lenses and go back to specs, it was the easier option. Get a pair of glasses that are suitable for everything, close work and distance vision.

So there I was, back in Speccysavers, trawling through the hundreds of frames on display. This isn't an advert for a particular shop, they are all the same, and I hate every one of them. But, the job has to be done. It's very hard to choose something that you have to buy, but don't really want. Trying on loads of frames means you have to look at your face in the mirror, and I don't want to do that at all. I don't see what everyone else see's,  I see ugliness. I have touched on the subject of my BDD before, (Google it), most of the time I can push it to the back of my mind and get on with my life, but every so often it rears it's ugly head, such as today when I am forced to look in the mirror to choose a new pair of specs. The despair creeps back in again. There is nothing I can do about it, it will always be there, but it comes and goes, and thankfully as I get older it doesn't bother me so much.

Keeping busy and living my life to the full is one way I have of keeping it under control. Distraction is a great healer. Not paying too much attention about what I wear helps as well. I went through all that when I was a teenager, trying to look pretty when I knew there was not a cat in hells chance I would ever be pretty. I think I have done quite well to keep it under control in the fifty years it has plagued me.

On that note, I have another distraction coming up, I've booked a holiday for next week. I shall be driving down to the west country. I have three nights camping at the Youth Hostel in Street, only £6.50 a night, then I move to the Hostel in Bath for another three nights, in a dorm. I shall be meeting up with our lovely blogger friend Kath, in Glastonbury, hoping to visit Cheddar, maybe Wells, Shepton Mallet, and other places if time. It's going to be great, looking forward to it. As always I will be looking to keep the cost down, can't do much about the price of petrol. The cost for six nights is £59, I shall be self catering, and looking for free places to visit. I'm not too fussed about paying entrance fees to go inside places, I'd rather look at the architecture on the outside of a building. Free art galleries and museums, and free gardens and parks, that will do nicely.
Toodle pip